Posts
841
Joined
12/30/2018
Location
Sacramento, CA
US
Edited Date/Time
9/14/2019 9:10pm
I would love to hear some stories from moto dudes (who usually have a similar mentality for me) as to how to kick it. My wife has laid down the law- no more nightly beers. I am not a raging drunk, but she simply won't tolerate it around anymore since my daughter is getting older. It's either beer or my family, which of course is really not a choice at all. I married in my 40s but had already established the habit.
I want to train as a substitute and improve at moto instead of showing up at the track hungover and expecting to do well. So instead of sitting down to a nightly beer session, it will be stretching working out (I hope). Easier said than done, I know.
I want to train as a substitute and improve at moto instead of showing up at the track hungover and expecting to do well. So instead of sitting down to a nightly beer session, it will be stretching working out (I hope). Easier said than done, I know.
Sorry got off track a little bit , anyway i haven't drank for 5 yrs and i feel better physically. And dont miss it.
The Shop
I had a really had hip that basically crippled me, I couldn't even sleep at night. Then my mom died in 2011, followed by my Dad in 2016. The drinking became a way to sleep at night with the pain- one night I did a whole bottle of wine.
But I have a new hip and am pain free, so that excuse is gone.
When my wife limited me to two beers a night I started buying 7-8% alcohol to get two beers in one.
Dude it sounds like you have your mind made up, drinking, or your family. Thats an easy choice bro! Later on in life I still kick myself everyday for losing the perfect woman when i was given the choice, drugs or her. Guess i wasnt ready to quit, fortunately it took a SWAT team knocking down my front door to get me clean. Damn that was almost 30 years ago now...fuck that makes me feel old.
Kick the habit, focus on your family, and i bet you will feel 100% better at the end of the day...Good luck, Ill be pulling for you big time! Keep us posted on your progress.
It seems a lot of guys that quit riding or have it taken away, get into drinking. We are risk takers for the most part.
I rarely used to drink (maybe 5-6x per year). But when I did it was a binge. Never liked hangovers or the health ramifications I knew I was doing to my body. But in certain social functions it had it's place.
Alcoholism runs in my wife's family (and mine) and her drinking was affecting our relationship pretty hard. Especially since she was the manager of a nightclub/bar/restaurant. The drinking at work and then driving home drove me fucking nuts. She would resent me when she drank, hide it from me, and it made me uncomfortable that we couldnt have a nice dinner without her drinking. Just the very fact that it was necessary to have alcohol made me uncomfortable. It wasnt a choice, it was a need.
My wife decided to quit for 1 year shortly after we got married. It was something I had been pushing her to do since the beginning of our relationship. And our relationship, despite just being married, was reaching critical mass and she knew it.
About a month after she decided to quit drinking we were at dinner and everyone was having wine. I dont have a drinking problem so I thought I'd be ok drinking with the group on these occasions. The look on her face as I took that first sip was all it took for it to be my last ever. I knew that if she stood any chance at sobriety I was going to have to support her 100% by doing it alongside her. She was making a real effort for both herself & our relationship. The effort I had been begging for and I wasnt going to undermine it.
BEST FUCKING DECISION FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP EVER.
It literally eliminated 99% of every argument we've ever had. Doesnt matter the topic.
Discussions that used to turn into debates?
Debates that used to turn into arguments?
Arguments that turned into fights?
They stay discussions.
Literally overnight all our discussions as a couple became infinitely more civil. The progress we made in therapy was way faster as well. Her patience with both herself and conflict resolution became so much better. Within a few months she made the decision that she liked sobriety so much that she was gonna extend the 1 year hiatus to indefinitely. It's been about 4 years now and it's brought so much peace to our relationship.
We watch the fights other couples go thru and the roller coaster and it's always a quick reminder of what could be. Maybe most couples like the little fights, they think it adds something spicy to the relationship, but not us.
When we go to Vegas for a weekend is it as fun? It's different. We dont go clubbing all night and end up having sloppy sex back at the room. We take the money we wouldve spent on alcohol and get a expensive dinner at a steakhouse. Instead of being hung over in the morning we get up early to go to the gym and then go shopping. We watch our friends not roll out of bed until 1pm and we dont miss that look.
The best example ever was going to a live sporting event. (This environment has been the hardest for me to overcome and re-learn how to have fun at by the way). I got a luxury suite for all my friends & family. There were about 8 couples in the box that day. Everyone (except us) was getting shitfaced drunk. It looked like a lot of fun. Our friends were BEGGING us to drink with them and join in on the antics. We almost caved. We privately stepped outside to discuss it. The pros vs cons. We both decided that there would be plenty of other opportunities to join in if we so decided too, but for this one time, let's just see how things go, and see if we cannot figure out a way to have a good time with everyone regardless our sobriety.
We had a great time. Everyone was having a great time. They eventually quit bugging us. Then by the 3rd quarter emotions started to flare up like they always do in these circumstances. The guys were getting a little to wild, the women were getting a little too bitchy. Then the fun stopped. By 4th quarter the couples were all at each other's throats fighting about nothing in particular. Just typical drunk couple bullshit. I distinctly remember standing there with my wife, and we were looking at one side of the box had all the guys & on the other were all the girls. Both sides were just mad as hell at each other. Everyone threatening to break up in between long stretches of silence. An hour earlier everyone was loud & having a blast. Now? Just icey stares at each other. I had to laugh at that point.
Everyone ended up driving home in separate vehicles. All the guys in 2 cars. All the girls in the other 2. I tried asking what caused some of the fights, nothing coherent came out. Dropped everyone off at the hotel. The next morning everyone wakes up for breakfast hung over as hell / puking, embarrassed, and ever less capable of explaining why they were fighting with their significant other. They were all busy apologizing to each other and meanwhile my wife and I were discussing how we now knew we made the right decision. That used to be us. Those fights were so taxing. We were up early and felt great about ourselves & each other.
That scenario might not describe you in detail. It describes a lot of young these days couples tho. Our society has normalized constant conflict in relationships. Normalized dysfunctionality. And that eventually takes it's toll on relationships & families. You might not see the toll the drinking is taking on your relationship until you step back and give sobriety a chance for a while.
Our daughter is now 17 months old. She's never once seen us get in a fight. She sees us talk out issues and work thru them. Every, damn, time. Like a functional adult.
And think about this as a parent, you'd never for a second let a teacher or daycare worker drink alcohol while they were on the job. So what makes you think you're any different? I always find it odd the standards we hold others too that we cannot hold ourselves when it comes to our kids.
My wife is now the biggest proponent of sobriety and would never consider looking back. Me? I dont miss it either. The juice aint worth the squeeze.
It's extremely unhealthy.
I'll give you the same advice KDX is, in that dont just rely on us for all your help. Coming here was a great first step. But the best we could do is be the push that gets you into therapy or some sort of alcohol counseling.
Jabroni- crazy story, and shows just how hard it can be to quit if you are around people that drink (like everybody I used to hang out with).
Motox627- LOL- I was the same way with yard work, grilling and working on my bike. I always drank doing that stuff. It's hard to imagine grilling without having some beers, but I can do it. I have quit before and you really don't miss it after a bit.
I was having lunch with my daughter and ordered a second beer and she goes "Another beer Daddy?!" real loud. I wasn't aware she even knew what beer was- but she's on to me (she's almost 5). That was a weird feeling, being scolded by a four-year-old.
Now that I've gotten older, I don't think the fun is worth the hangover, so I limit it to 3 beers on any given night. I don't even do that very often - once every couple months or so, but sometimes I still feel like crap in the morning anyway. I'm starting to think I'm just over alcohol altogether. I had one beer on Superbowl Sunday but then decided not to have another. That might be my last one. I still haven't decided, so I guess I can't say that I have quit.
Like many others have said. Please get help. I quit my addiction’s cold turkey with no assistance, and that’s about the worst thing you can possibly do, and has a horrible rate of relapse. Depending how much you drank alcohol withdrawal can cause seizures, and make you very very sick.
Also if you ever need anyone to talk to please don’t hesitate. One of the few positives to come outa my mess is I’m always up to talk to anyone going through similar issues
Pit Row
My wife recently told me she used to drink up to two bottle of wine every night (it's hard to fool a former drunk). She's dry now. Her Dad was a rager (contractor, said he ended up not being able to snap a line unless drunk. I think he pounded liquor all day at work, and finally went to rehab, he told me it cost $5k. But he's much better off).
I got a long line of alcoholics on both sides. Aunts and Uncles that died from it, pretty much. That or smoking. And these were not low-class people. It can get a hold of rich or poor. You basically live the lifestyle or you don't, and we can all drift back and forth over that line.
Plus I've been sleeping way better and have been smoking less cigarettes.
Alcohol just isn't my party favor. Once in a while I'll pull a glass or two of scotch on my porch. But for the most part, drinking just isn't my thing.
I laughed and said alcohol hurts my stomach....He is going to be having surgery on his esophagus to repair all his scar tissue (he loves hard alcohol).
Crazy huh?
You don’t have to answer that here if you don’t want to. Just ponder it. Understand WHY, and work hard On changing the underlying issues that cause you to drink. Does that make sense ?
Write it down. Read it. Look over it. Be honest with yourself. Nobody is ever going to read why you drink except you. This can help you eliminate it completely.
There are many tools. Maybe speak to a Psychologist for a few sessions. See what they can offer you for help. If it’s not working quit going. But worth a shot!
one should not drink up all the dirt bike parts money.
Also, sign up on garagejournal.com and let everyone talk you into buying tools. You will be broke and drinking water soon enough. :-)
It's an emotional crutch, a warm, fuzzy escape, and feeling better is as easy as buying a six-pack.
But we know that's not the way it works out, ever.
Thanks for reading.
i have given up weeknight drinking. i'll slip here and there and have 1-2 on a weeknight but it's very uncommon.
I quit over the last two years, and I can tell you that my life has been enriched as a result. I struggled with anxiety and depression, and all alcohol did was make it worse. Sure, you feel good while you're buzzing, but sh*t, the only way that works out is if you're drunk all the time. As I walked back from it, my depression was easier to manage. I rarely drink these days, and when I do, all it does is validate my decision to quit.
The problem is, my whole life involved drinking to some degree. Every time we went out to dinner, we drank, every time we go to a friends for dinner, we drank, every time I went to a sporting event, I drank. You get the picture. The hardest part wasn't quitting the at-home drinking, it was the settings when everyone else was drinking and I wasn't. Now I'm super comfortable with a glass of ice water in my hand instead of a glass of beer.
I'm 56 and I drank for almost 40 years of my life, now that I know how good it feels, I wish I would have quit sooner.
.
I know people who are just the opposite, they buy the alcoholic drink that gives them the biggest bang for their buck and drink themselves into a stupor on the regular. I am thankful that I wasn’t born with that tendency or developed that mindset during my college days. I know that a large part of it is simply luck of the draw, and being prone to addictions isn’t a matter of “toughness” or anything like that.
I don’t generally drink outside the house because I am too cheap, but occasionally the wife and I go out with other couples. I have very close friends who struggle with alcohol, and I don’t drink when with them at all. If they are courageous enough to meet that challenge head on, I’m certainly going to do what I can to support that effort.
People probably think Im less fun sober. But I’ve learned how to have fun sober so I dont miss the alcohol. They havent learned how to have fun with the sober version of me. That’s not my problem.
On the flip side, as time has gone on I dont find the drunk versions of my friends very fun either. Even worse is being around drunk people I dont know or care for.
It’ll probably cost me income over time. So much business at the executive level is done over a drink. I know that my disdain for cocaine has cost me MANY financial opportunities in life. That sucks but I cannot imagine the alternative. No amount of financial success was gonna be worth going down that path in life.
Ultimately Im very comfortable in my own skin. Which only amplifies the “problem” with partaking in social functions where alcohol is the lubricant. Considering that most people are drinking so they can feel more secure, my natural security only makes them feel more insecure.
I’ll never suggest to anyone that sobriety is necessarily a easy path. In all the ways it makes life better, it makes things tougher when our culture is so dependent on mind altering substances.
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